This might be one of those posts that is TMI, but it's something that's been on my heart a lot and I would love some encouragement and prayers from some of the other new moms that read our blog. :)
I really wanted to try to breastfeed Gemma, but I knew from the beginning it was going to be very difficult. So I was really surprised when she latched well and ate well from the very beginning. Everything went really well for about the first month. Since I have heard that this is the most critical time, I was feeling pretty good about things. I was even getting lots of extra milk so I started stocking up the freezer just in case.
Then things started to go badly. Just before I went into the hospital with my kidney stone, I started having a lot of pain while nursing. It was getting to the point where I was dreading every feeding (I had previously really enjoyed my sweet feeding times with Gemma) and I was in so much pain that I didn't think I physically would be able to continue much longer. While I was in the hospital, I was feeling so bad that I was having to pump the whole time and have Cy feed Gemma by bottle for a couple of days. I started realizing that I was feeling much less sore. I decided to pump for a few days and see if that would give me time to recover in hopes that I would soon be able to start nursing again.
I was feeling much better until I tried to nurse again. Even the feeding session started out well, but by the end of it, I was in a lot of pain and I could tell that poor Gemma was responding to my pain and not getting the nutrition that she needed. I cut the session short and supplemented with a bottle that I had pumped earlier. Since then, I have not been able to nurse. I continued pumping and feeding her breastmilk by bottle, but the pain gradually started coming back again (which made me think it was not a problem with her latch). Then I started getting less and less milk. By last week, I had dipped into my store of milk in the freezer and was barely getting 1.5-2 ounces each time I pumped, whereas before I was getting 4+ ounces, depending on the time of day.
I wondered about thrush, but the symptoms didn't really seem to fit. When I went for my six-week postpartum checkup this past Wednesday, I told my doctor what was going on and had her check for thrush. She said there were no signs of any type of infection. I described my symptoms for her, and finally she determined that she thinks I'm suffering from vasospasm, a kind of weird circulation issue. She was super excited about it because she had never had a patient with it before, so she was eager to see if the treatment would work for me (I was less excited about the whole thing).
The treatment is for me to take a low dosage of a blood pressure medication daily, to help with my circulation. I was really concerned about this at first, as I don't want to take any medications that could end up in my breastmilk. But I have been reassured by my doctor and pharmacist that this is a normal treatment for vasospasm and will be just fine for Gemma. I have been taking the medicine for a few days now. I am still not sure how everything will turn out, as I have been having headaches and my chronic vertigo has been worse the past couple of days. I am thinking these might be side effects from the medicine, or they could just be sinus problems from the weather here lately. The pain has improved only slightly, but the good news is that my milk supply finally seems to be back to normal as of yesterday, which was a huge blessing. I felt like such a failure when I was not able to provide the nourishment Gemma needed.
I am going to try the medication for at least a week and see how it goes. If it does aggravate my vertigo, I am going to have to stop taking it, because I won't be able to take care of Gemma at all if the room is spinning all the time. I would like to be able to continue giving Gemma breastmilk as long as I possibly can. I have already reconciled myself to the fact that I won't be able to nurse her again and will have to feed her breastmilk by bottle. This was a huge disappointment for me and very hard to accept. My hope now is that I will at least be able to continue pumping and feeding her that way. If not, then hopefully I can accept at that point that I have done everything I can and that it is okay for me to give her formula if necessary. That will be a disappointment for me as well, but I will just have to accept it if it needs to happen.
So please keep Gemma and me in your prayers as we continue this battle. Right now, I am trying to take it a day at a time and I am thankful for each drop of milk I am able to provide for my little girl, and I am thankful that I have been able to hang in there this long.
And hopefully this wasn't too much information. Like I said, it's been on my heart and it's been a huge emotional struggle for me as well.
4 comments:
Breastfeeding was the thing I was the most nervous about the first time around. It can be painful at the beginning regardless. . . and then if there are other issues. I'm sorry it's been frustrating for you. But you've started her out so well and some mothers aren't even able to do that. I will be praying!
Sorry to hear that things are not going as well with the breastfeeding...will be praying the medicine helps, with no side effects, and that you can continue feeding Gemma the way you want to. Just remember though, no matter what you feed her she will continue to grow and be nurished. The most important thing is that you love her so much and in that, you cannot fail!
No matter how you end up feeding Gemma you most remember that you are NOT a failure!!! I didn't make past three months with either one of mine. I understand your struggle and frustration. Being the health nut that I am, maybe a little over the top sometimes, I didn't want to give my girls formula but I had no choice. There are good formulas out there that you can feel good about giving Gemma. The first two weeks of breast milk are the most important, that's when she gets a lot your antibodies. I loved breastfeeding my girls it was such a special bonding time with them and thought that I would miss out on that when I switched to formula but it was still a precious time with them. Adam loved it when we switched to bottle because he got to be a part of that special time too. There are great positive to formula and bottle feeding, Cy will to have more of the special bonding time with Gemma and you can also let him feed her at night on occasions so that you can get some rest.
The most important is that you are healthy, and feeling good. God will grow Gemma no matter how you nourish her.
We will be praying for you!
Thanks everyone. All the comments were very encouraging. I'm going to continue tackling it a day at a time, and be happy with whatever happens, because like everyone pointed out, Gemma is loved and will be well fed and taken care of no matter which route we end up going!
Post a Comment